"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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