he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Come on in and take your pants off
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