Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
