Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
