The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
