i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
