After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
