How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
