Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
