I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We left the knife in your bed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
