Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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