oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
