your thong is hanging out like whoa
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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