Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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