Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
