isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
