I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
