in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
