I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
