you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
