Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
