my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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