i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
