GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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