If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
