My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
