I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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