Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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