I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
