People in love make me want to vomit
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
