So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
