my phone needs a breathalizer
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
