Me. At least after what I've been through.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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