the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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