Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
