Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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