I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
