And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
