i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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