Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
