umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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