Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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