Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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