she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
