Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
