I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
