Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
