idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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