Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
