Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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