im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
