Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
