when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
