I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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