Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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