after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
